Friday, December 28, 2012

Compilation of Airplane Stupidness - Battery Dying

Alright, just as the title says, my computer has 22% battery left and this post is going to be a compilation of thoughts and words about the stupidness of airplanes and flying. Not the catchiest title, but I think it definitely gets the point across. 

Today’s topic…airplanes. Why the fuck do the arm rests not have cup holders. One fellow gentleman pointed out ‘because people will bump their knees when getting out’ – good assumption, but why couldn’t they have the spring loaded cup holders, like cars do; makes sense to me. 

Another one, why the do airplanes not have electrical outlets? What is someone going to do, charge up a hair dryer and blow people away, give me a break. Planes need outlets, at least one in every third row for the hard working business person who is always on their computer making shit happen. (there it is, the shit reference). 

Next, do people not know that when they go into public, other people see them? Not to mention see them, but smell them as well? Dude, I flew to Las Vegas for Christmas after work last week, while waiting in line to go through security (which I got a body scan so they now have a picture of my balls) this fool walks up behind me and stands in line. Normally I look forward, I could smell the person who walked up behind me..seriously, take a damn shower before getting on a cramped ass plane with 100 other good smelling people. Maybe just go wipe your ass again because it sure smelled like he was sporting some dirty drawers. 

Quick 2 liner, flying out I packed my tooth paste, it was larger than 3oz, the security guy told me he could either throw it away or escort me back to the checkin so I could check a bag..for one tube of toothpaste, dumb. 

Still on airports, me too. Another guy who boarded the plane from Phoenix to Vegas was just a screaming example of dumb. He reminded me of a cross between Vinny from jersey shore with his dumbass glasses that don’t do anything for his eyesight and Matthew Perry with his funky haircut and wardrobe style. It just doesn’t work to match a bright blue and green flannel long sleeve shirt with a tan, $150 business coat trying to act professional with Chuck Taylor shoes on. Then, getting on the plane, it literally took him a good 3 ½ minutes to stand in the middle of the walking aisle in the plane, take his coat off, find a place to put it in the overhead compartment, then find a place to put his bag, then to pull his bag back out and re-arrange the way it sat in there - this may not seem like a big deal but try standing in a line, in one spot, holding your bag for 90+ seconds - its longer and way more annoying than you would think.

Last one off, Chuck Taylor’s. Man those are fucking ugly. I hate them. They are one of the stupidest shoes I have ever seen, they are not comfortable (I know because I had to wear them in a recent wedding) and contrary to what the movie Sandlot told you; they do not make you run faster, they do not make you jump higher but they will give you shin splints if you wear them to the zoo.

9% battery left, over and out.

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