Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Fattest Skinny Guy’s Food of Choice - Walking Taco

Okay so if you really know me, you know I am the fattest skinny guy you have ever met. I am a food enthusiast. I love to eat, try new foods and especially stick with my favorites. After hard, deep and careful thought, I believe I have found my (current) favorite food of choice. 

It’s called, ‘the walking taco.’ Your asking yourself, what the hell is a walking taco?  Well get ready for this shit; It is a personal size bag of your favorite style Frito's or Doritos, could be cool ranch, nacho cheese, chili cheese or my favorite, spicy nacho. You flip the bag on its side and cut a line down the side of the bag to open it from top to bottom, I personally like to crunch up a few of the larger chips to make them bite-size, those big triangles don’t fit in my mouth, c’mon now. 

It's crazy to me because many people in Arizona have no clue it even exists, so read up on one of the greatest meals EVER and the second to best part is - there is no cleanup, throw the empty bag away when your done. 
Now for the good shit, ingredients. Once you slit the bag, add re-fried beans, taco meat, lettuce, tomatoes and as much cheese as you want. At this point it is free game, add whatever else floats your boat. If you want to get creative, melt the cheese instead of using shredded cheese. I personally add sour cream, guac if we have any, jalapenos, hot sauce, salsa and anything else I can come up with or find in the fridge, maybe even a few banana peppers to top it off. 

One tip I will give you, put the hot sauce on before the cheese, it mixes better with the beans and meat for a fuller flavor. Once you have your Doritos bag full just the way you like it, grab a fork and dig in. Now your probably thinking, (like a devils advocate douchebag) where did the walking part come in? Its simple. There is no plate for your food, you hold the bag in your hand. If you feel the need, walk around and eat – make it a true walking taco.
Here are some other notable foods that I love to eat on the daily and on the fly:
All types of meat – steak, prime rib, roast beef, turkey, NO HAM (not sure why, it just makes me shit..), salami, pepperoni, beef, chicken (I grill some mean BBQ chicken) and strippers. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, strippers from Native New Yorker. Honey hot boneless stips of lightly breaded white chicken meat…….now im hungry again.
Pizza is another one of my favorite foods, I’m American, how could it not be? Stuffed crust from Pizza Hut all the way, if on the fly which many times I am, Little Cesars $5 Hot & Ready will sure do the trick as well. Pepperoni is probably one of Americas favorite types of pizza but my wife Angel Hesseltine got me on a better kick; pepperoni and jalapenos. Mmmm….dont knock it till you try it.
Pasta is another big one for me, I love fettuccini alfrado and traditional spaghetti with meat and meat sauce. A little mozz cheese or parmesan to sprinkle on top, it will do the trick. Top the plate off with a few slices of garlic cheese bread will make the plate complete.
I sure am hungry now, think I'm going to go grab some grub. Stay tuned for more fatty adventures!

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